Thursday, Oct. 02, 2003 - 9:09 p.m.
I'm here. Here on a borrowed computer (by the wonderful lady that is letting me stay with her while I search for housing. She is a priest, and truly seems to act the way I think people should to show examples of God. But I also definately need to get out of her hair before I overstay my welcome - so searching hard - and do something nice for her, suggestions appreciated).
I am here after a nearly 20 hour car trip. Let me modify that a bit, an over 20 hour car trip. Of course, I did stop overnight for 5 hours between 3am and 8am, and to snooze for 20 minutes at a time twice.
Driving like that screws up your sense of time. I arrived, tired, but feeling a lot like it was still the day I left. I know that to everyone else, a day had gone by. Of course, they were doing much more than me.
Being here this time is much scarier. I've gone places new to me before. I've gone with just the belief that I'd get by...much like this time. But the difference is the time frame. There was always a limit. A time when it was going to be over and I was heading back to the safety and comfort of routine and friends and family. Now I am struck by the fact that I have no time limit. This could very well be forever.
And I miss Murfreesboro because of the familiarity of it. But really, it's not taht I want to be there. I like here, there's something about it that feels right to me. And I'm working to do something I love doing here, so it's where I need to be. But I just kind of wish I could pack everyone that I care about up with me and bring them here too.
It's not that I feel worried about losing touch with people. I've come to realize that there are certain people I'll lose touch with, but that would happen even if I were in the same city as they were (experience teaches us things if we learn from them), but that others I will keep in touch with possibly, and I'd like to say probably, forever. No, it's not that.
It's being around them. I already miss simply hanging out with my sister and Matt while they make dinner and talk about their day. Conversations flow more easily in person. I often feel like I have to have a reason to be calling someone, at least initially. I miss hugs. I think it might be awhile before I feel comfortable hugging people here.
But there is a reassuring quality to familiarity. Driving today, the same drive I drove to work everyday, made me feel a little less like I couldn't breathe. :)
Please do whatever superstitious things you do that I find a place to live (that I can afford, and hopefully with someone cool) soon. I'd write more (my mind is full of stuff) but I'm very tired From the Phantom of the Opera (and edited a little by me to take out extra talking), Think of Me
Think of me
think of me fondly,
when we've said goodbye.
Remember me
once in a while -
please promise me
you'll try.
When you find
that, once
again, you long
to take your heart back
and be free -
if you
ever find
a moment,
spare a thought
for me
We never said
our love
was evergreen,
or as unchanging
as the sea -
but if
you can still
remember
stop and think
of me . . .
Think of all the things
we've shared and seen -
don't think about the things
which might have been . . .
Think of me,
think of me waking,
silent and
resigned.
Imagine me,
trying too hard
to put you
from my mind.
Recall those days
look back
on all those times,
think of the things
we'll never do -
there will
never be
a day, when
I won't think
of you . .
We never said
our love
was evergreen,
or as unchanging
as the sea -
but please
promise me,
that sometimes
you will think
of me
