Friday, Jan. 09, 2004 - 11:00 a.m.
To continue writing about my trip...
Ok, so Christmas I spent at my Dad's. That was very nice. the only downfall was my brother's lack of a presence, but I'll get to that in a second. me and Heather and Matt went there in the morning, and opened gifts. Dad and Connie got me an electric skillet so that I can cook more than microwave food without a stove and a feather down blanket to keep me warm. It made me happy. In the afternoon Heather and Matt headed to Matt's family while I stayed there and they picked me up later. All in all it was a good day.
Friday I spent most of the day at my mom's helping her prepare for Christmas (on Saturday) and then Saturday I spent the day there for the celebration. Mom gave me money for clothes, which I really need. She also gave me some books to learn Spanish, which I really wanted.
The day was pretty good. A little awkward at times because my mom mixes all of us with her husband, Steve's, family and sometimes that gets odd. But all in all it was ok. Until the end.
This is where my brother comes in. About a month before Christmas my mom asked/told us all that she'd like to have it on Saturday that way her stepsons could be there and we wouldn't have to coordinate between so many houses. My brother knew this, but when it neared Saturday he told my mom he had to work so he would be there late. And he refused to try to take the day off. This was a bit of a kick in the teeth for my mom (and me) knowing that he'd taken all of Christmas off to spend with his wife's family (and later even more so when I learned he'd taken enough time off to drive to Wisconsin to see her family for New Year's). It was doubled for me because I'd been tryign to set up a time when we (being the kids) could all get to Dad's together and he'd just never called my sister to coordinate their schedules. Basically, the message felt very clearly like "you, my own family, are not important enough for me to put any effort into seeing - in fact, sometimes I actively dislike being around you." (that last part comes from the permanent scowl on his and his wife's faces whenever they are at family gatherings).
So, my mom never just told him 'hey it hurts my feelings that you won't take any time to be at my holiday celebration.' instead she just lets her feelings stew. So, at the end of the evening, we had our annual holiday fight. When my brother decided to tell my mom he would be taking some speakers from the living room home next week, so she'd better clear her stuff off of them, that prompted her to come in and snap at all 3 of us how we needed to pay for our own insurance come January. This led to my brother tellng his wife let's pack the car, we're leaving and then throwing out 'thanks for the gifts.' to which my mother barked back, 'thanks for taking so much time out of to come here.' And I came inches from being certain that I wouldn't come home for the holidays again. Because the stress is insane.
Then, trying to just talk to someone, I have my Dad tell me how it's normal for a guy to focus on his wife's family. and that my brother was still upset at my mom for how she'd acted when my parents divorced (which admittedly was not great). and that I should talk to him and see if there was some reason he wasn't really talking to me. But I feel like, if my brother was so upset at my mom a) it's time for him to get over it. People make mistakes. b) stop asking her for money if you're not even going to ever visit her. And as far as me calling him goes, maybe I should do that, but I don't think there's anything more specific then that he doesn't care to put any effort into us like he does his new family. Because for some reason he thinks they're perfect.
However, that aside the rest of the trip went quite well.
The Monday just when I was starting to feel like people had forgotten I was visiting, I got a call from Devon about dinner with her and Elizabeth. This happened to be the same day that my friend Denver had returned to the state, so he was with me. So, I brought him and Heather and Matt along and headed to the IHOP. And that was great fun and good conversation as usual with the company.
I spent many days hanging out with Denver, which was really nice. I still marvel at how our friendship has grown.
Denver lives with my ex. That made for some uncomfortable moments. I met his new girlfriend and that was actually way less uncomfortable then I thought it would be. (probably because he was not around). She seemed nice and I just hope she hasn't been told how awful I am. And I got to witness a former friend (that is in a band with said ex) do that thing where he pretends he doesn't see you. that stung. It probably shouldn't have after this amount of time, but it still does.
My friend John (from high school - one of my best) tried to set up a day to hang out 3 days in a row. I felt special for that. And we finally did on New Year's eve. Me and Heather and Matt and Denver headed to his house and just hung out. And it was really cool.
And I got to see Devon again once more before I headed home, which is always great. And Tillman once. so I spent that night up until the wee hours because he's a night person.
It makes one feel really special to have people actively try to see you.
I spent the last couple days helping my sister and matt move. They thanked me way too many times.
Then I came back...and that's a whole new story.
