Tuesday, Oct. 26, 2004 - 2:46 p.m.
Lots to talk about. Lots, but I'm not sure what order they'll come out in.
I had my first moment of relationship strain last week. It was something I'm not sure was ever really resolved. But it's not really there so much anymore.
Jairo's brother was home on leave. He brought his girlfriend with him. She stayed at their house with them.
And she met his mom. I've never met her. And I know that his brother is much closer to his mom than he is, but something about that kind of made me a little jealous. But that wasn't even really the issue.
The issue was that when I got off of work on Sunday it was early. And he was at home and didn't want to come here because his brother's in town. But when I said I'll come there he said something about parking being horrible (which it is, granted).
And I could hear his brother and his brother's girlfriend in the background and I felt left out. I felt left out of his life. Like he wouldn't let me make the effort to come be in his world, like he does to be in mine.
If it'd just been his brother there I'd have assumed it was just that he wanted time with his brother, but it was his brother and his bro's girlfriend. It was a feeling of disconnection. It really bothered me.
It probably didn't help that my current job is driving me crazy. Sincerely.
Something about it just makes me feel so much like I'm not moving toward anything, like I'm stuck. (Probably because it saps me of the energy to jobhunt and takes up all of my time).
And in the meantime, I'm not making enough money at it to make it worth it. I'm working every weekend, almost every weeknight, seeing no one I care about (and therefore losing touch with people), and it's time to stop.
So, I believe that today I will probably hand in my two weeks notice. And try something that sounds crazy to my stability minded self -- temping.
***
On a completley unrelated note....I have read my first Steven King story.
It's strange. I grew up knowing his name as one of the premiere authors of the day. But I also remember knowing that his books were made into all these movies that I didn't want to watch because they scared me.
So I never read his books because they were also supposed to be horror. It wasn't a judgement on his writing, just a preference for other genres.
But I remember being intrigued when I realized that "Stand By Me" was based on a King story. However, I never got around to finding it until recently, when a friend (who happens to be a King fanatic) lended me the book with the short story in it.
But it was great. Any suspense or horror in it came from very realistic, relatable descriptions. And more than anything it was a coming of age story that captured something about being 12 that even I (as a female) can relate to -- that feeling of still being childish about certain things, but having grown up thoughts and feelings as well. It's probably the first time in your life you have insight into the future like that.
Anyway, I finally get it. I finally get why Steven King is considered one of the greats.
***
Being here in the autumn is like being no where else. It's beautiful in a way that I imagine scores of poetry and thousands of descriptions have failed to capture.
The landscape is a cascade of color in tremendous variation. From golden yellow and evergreen to plum purple and scarlet red. Amber and orange. Leaves that start deep orange and blush to almost pink at the edges.
