Friday, Nov. 19, 2004 - 12:53 a.m.
It's funny this writing thing. Funny how I have tons more free time lately (more on that in a second) but I still can't seem to get myself to actual writing until after midnight.
I can sit there all day long thinking and trying to make the words fit together and find the connections, but somehow it won't happen. Yet, late in the night when I am thinking of bed, the points I want to make will come to me, the connections are clear in my brain, and the words are there just waiting to be jotted down or typed out.
It must have something to do with relaxation. Because they also come to me when I'm doing mundane things like showering or pumping gas.
So, that's the key? To write I have to stop thinking of writing?
I think I need to learn to not worry so much and let my mind flow more naturally. And I'm still not certain how to do this.
But I've apparently got time to figure it out.
This whole experiment in temping could possibly be failing. I'm not completely sure yet. All I know is that for a week now, I haven't worked.
I freaked out yesterday because of it. Huge worries. But today I feel better because I signed up with more companies and they tested me and said I was above average skilled in many things and they should be able to get me an assignment easily. Here's hoping.
But like I said, yesterday it got to me. It probably wasn't too great that I'd jobsearched and kept finding jobs that require more experience than I have, and that I was trying to figure out student loan stuff on top of realizing I haven't worked.
Poor Jairo had to deal with me in full messed up mode. And he did well. He didn't try to fix it, or make it seem less than it was, he just reminded me that right now I have to worry day to day. Silly boy also tried to offer to help me with some of my expenses, but I couldn't take that. He didn't completly understand why but he let it go.
And then we went to his house where they were replacing the kitchen floor. And his mom came in and said hi to me and squeezed my shoulder and kissed my cheek. I've met her twice now, but Jairo says she really likes me. And I like her too. She has a warmth about her. And she made sure I was coming to Thanksgiving. I can barely speak to her but I feel like I've been embraced as her son's girlfriend.
Later some guy knocked on Jairo's door and was trying to sell him a box of comics because he said he needed money to pay for his car to be repaired....and he'd heard Jairo collected comics. I watched Jairo search around the house later on for some money to give the guy despite not wanting the comics. Later he was saying he was too naive....because who's car is actually at the shop at 11pm, but it's another thing about him for me to like.
My mother's cardiologist appointment is in the morning. Waiting to see what happens.
