Wednesday, Dec. 08, 2004 - 9:21 p.m.
I have made a decision (one unfortunately highly based on income.) and that decision was that I was not going to visit my family in TN for Christmas. I was going to try, work on finding a plane ticket, try to get days off work, pull money from savings because i'm still playing catch up with general expenses, but instead I decided that I'm just going to wait.
Instead of making the holiday into a big giant stress and hassle by spending money I don't have right now (when I would need to buy the ticket) and trying to get there and see everyone, I'm just going to stay here and go visit in a month or two when I have extra money and time.
But it'll only be the second time I've been away from my family at Christmas (the other being when I was in Germany). It's strange. I can't help but feel guilty even though I know that my family is changing and holidays are changing, with my brother and sister now having in-laws and me living in a completely different state. But it still makes me feel kind of guilty (probably because of the small part of me that just didn't feel like all the planning and stress).
So, I'll be spending Christmas with my boyfriend. That feels like a big thing, but I've been kind of told by people that it's not as big as I think.
It feels also kind of like an admission that I my life is here now....like, before I lived here but did all the important stuff there. And as time moves forward, I do more and more of the big things here. There stops being "home" and becomes "visiting my family." (....now if i could just get my stuff....).
