Monday, Jan. 03, 2005 - 11:31 a.m.
Ok, here I go again, playing catch up.
To start where I left off....
Sunday (12/12/04) I worked again. This day I met a wonderful woman from Connecticut. It was one of those experiences that you can't quite explain why it was so profound, but it was.
She was telling me that she had brought her son and his girlfriend to the mall to give them private time together. and I thought that was cool. We got to talking about parenting, and how the best parents are the ones that treat their kids with respect and talk to them. She was inspiring and friendly, and I liked her instantly.
She was very encouraging to me and even took my email address in case she ever heard of any journalism opportunities. And when she left she gave me a hug and it made total sense.
I talked to a lady that had a t-shirt that said "I'd be goth, but I can't afford to shop at Hot Topic." It made me laugh.
And when I left, passing the drug store in the mall, I realized that Christmas is a time for people to get in touch with their inner tackiness. People will fill their lawns with santas and cover their houses with lights, that spend the rest of the year making their house as nondescript and acceptable as possible.
Following that weekend of work, I got very annoyingly sick. Sick in the way where that took up my next week, I did little of any interest and spent my time at work, moping, or sleeping.
It was a strange kind of ill feeling that morphed and mutated over time, but kept me feeling miserable to some degree for two weeks.
That Monday at work was horrible. I felt cold and hot and had a headache, went in and out of naseous. By the end of the week it had gained a cough.
That weekend (Fri, 12/17/04 through Sun, 12/19/04) I knew I had to go shopping. Had to, no choice. I'd put it off long enough. So I put it off again a little more.
Friday night I woke up in the middle of the night coughing and feeling horrible....trying to fall back asleep, and I woke up Jairo. I thought he was just getting up for a second, but then he returned with a cup of Thera-Flu, which actually worked well at calming my throat and knocking me out. The gesture itself had a healing effect all it's own, but I felt guilty waking him up.
Saturday (12/18/04) we went shopping with Jairo's friend James. I quite like James except he's a little too jaded sometimes. I didn't really do any shopping because with the two guys, both hating shopping, it was more about getting a few specific items as quickly as possible and leaving, and I wasn't about to be the one to hold them up looking around. So after a trip to a movie store and Barnes and Noble, James dropped us off and said he'd be back later.
Jairo and I wittled away a few hours watching tv and reading until "later," when James returned with his new girlfriend, Brooke, and another friend, Al. He also came bearing a multi-vitamin because he said being sick for a week was too long. I said thanks (because I really appreciated the gesture) and put it in my pocket to add to the vitamin c Jairo had given Tuesday, and the vitamins my mother sent that would get there the next week.
We all headed to another friend of their's named Noel (and his fiance whose name escapes me) house in the Bronx for a Christmas party.
It was such a nice little duplex thing. They were my kind of people, with shelves and shelves of books and cds, old knickknacks mixed with new furniture, a slightly outdated emo vibe permeated the crowd. There was food and lots of conversation. I tried caviar for the first time and decided it's nothing special. I spent most of the night talking to James and Brooke, mingling with strangers is hard when you're not feeling very well.
From there we moved on to another party thrown by James' cousin. This crowd was a bit younger, more now, a little less intellectual, more alcohol, but there were still Al Frankin books on the table. We didn't stay long.
James had been telling Jairo all day that he should move in with me (since I want to move out of my current place). We talked about that. I told Jairo he shouldn't take James seriously because it's not time for that.
The next day (sun 12/19/04) I forced Jairo out and about since it was the last weekend before Christmas. We shopped around and found a few gifts, but more ideas of stuff I should look for online (and therefore conveniently ship as well as purchase in one fell swoop) and then went to see Finding Neverland. good movie.
Upon waking on Monday my cough was worse again, leading me to believe that the reason I wasn't healing as quickly as usual is the drafty room I reside in. I spent my lunch break sending some packages and finishing shopping.
An aside: I've been doing this temp job at this real estate appraisal company for about a month now and it's ok. but I'm realizing they may offer me a permanent position and I'm really not sure what I would want to/should do if that happens.
Tuesday (12/21/04) I had an interview with a media company in Brooklyn. The building was at the end of a road that looked like it had been abandoned, and was itself kind of menacing. The guy that I interviewed for was rude to me right off and asked questions that made no sense, but wouldn't rephrase when I said I wasn't sure what he was asking. After 5 minutes we mutually decided this wasn't going anywhere and it ended. The experience upset me a lot (even though I realized that I didn't want the job), because it was my first bad interview and it made me feel like I'd wasted time.
Then Jairo followed me toward a friend of ours' Christmas party. But he got lost and I ended up going alone for a short while. But I'd really wanted him there and was kind of worried and had a hard time enjoying myself because of it.
The next day...well, Jairo had a case of holiday/winter depression I guess. Without going to much into it, I felt very helpless and uncertain what to do.
Thursday (12/23/04) after work we headed to Jairo's house and played video games and watched Spider-Man 2 with his brother Alvaro, who had some time off from the Navy.
Christmas Eve James showed up, practically family that he is. He gave me a book for Christmas (that he'd picked up while we were at Barnes and Noble) called "Women who run with the wolves: myths and sotires of the wild woman archetype" that I look forward to reading. We went with him and his girlfriend as they attempted to get tattoos, but we were too late.
After that we came back and hung out and had a nice dinner with Jairo and Alvaro's mom after which Jairo and Alvaro apologized if I felt left out for all the Spanish, which I thought was sweet. After that we drove over to James' and stayed with his family for a while. Good people. Jairo is surrounded by good people.
His brother, talking to me about them said "he raised me" at one point. And it's interesting to watch them interact. Because they are very close as brothers, equals, but also there on the edge is something parental. I see it in the way Jairo worries about Alvaro, in Alvaro's concern that Jairo is proud of him.
I tried to make cookies that night. Because I'd been wanting to and partly because I associate baking with the holidays. But they had no measuring cups, and my guess work ended up wrong. The batter tasted right, but I think there was too much flour because the cookies were....heavy, and bricklike when cooled.
Christmas for me was something very different than I'm used to. I'm used to a certain number of people being around, lots of mingling, lots of noise. This year was nice but not at all similar. Quiet. We woke in the morning and they opened gifts. Jairo's mom got me a jewelry box, and while it's not so very me, it meant a lot. And then we all basically hung out. While I can tell they care about each other, Jairo and Alvaro tend to hang out apart from their mom, and that was the punctuated difference to me. We three in the living room playing video games, her and her boyfriend Marcello in the other room watching Spanish TV except at meals really.
Halfway through Christmas Alvaro had to head back to Virginia, and it was just us. And that was nice enough. My family in Michigan called and I talked to my grandpa, aunts, uncles, and cousins as they passed the phone around. My brother called in the morning and my sister in the eve. My mother late and my dad the next day.
Jairo and I played a puzzle video game and he got me addicted to "Fable" (and I haven't even really played video games in years). And by the end of the weekend my cough (the longest remaining symptom of my winter cold) was gone. There was nothing extravagant about the weekend, but I still didn't want to go home Sunday night.
On Tuesday (12/28/04) I had a nice day that felt full. At lunch I was invited to join two of my coworkers (the first two to do anything of the sort). It was very nice. They asked about me and told me about them. They said (as they are older than me) that something will come, probably completely not what I thought, and while this is a standard statement people make, it still helps to hear. After work there was a staff outing at a bar. So, I went, fully expecting to not have fun and leave after an hour. Instead I stayed 2 1/2 and left because I was meeting a friend. It was fun. Some people are nice, some not so much. One guy irritated me.
He asked what I listened to all day at work and I said books, to which he asked what kind. I said all sorts and named some. and he responded with a disdainful "oh fiction. I don't read fiction. I've got a good enough imagination that I don't need it." To add to that insult he asked what and when the last book I actually read was. Increduously I responded with, "you mean on paper? I read every day so last night and a book of short stories by Neil Gaimen." It just struck me as really uppity and presumptuous. But this guy spends 50% of his life traveling - alone, and 50% of the time working almost 20 hour days to pay for that travel. I think he's forgotten how to interact with other people. I noticed it in his "conversations" which were less conversations as dictations about himself and his experiences. Lame. What good are those experiences if you have no one to share them with?
After that party, I hung out with my friend Jason. And it had been too long. Especially since he is one of my best friends here, the only one I can claim to have been friends with since last Christmas.
He caught me up on his love life. (the boy is actually succesfully using one of those internet dating companies). and we talked of all manner of things. It was just nice.
He reiterated a thought I'd had about being social at work. Because once again it seems that I've been viewed as not wanting to interact with people (based on a comment by one of my coworkers) and I had really tried with this job to be friendly and open and outgoing. But my reactions tend to seem muted compared to other people's. It's funny, something born out of a defense mechanism has now become a hinderance and I can't seem to change it.
Jason also told me that since he was certain I would use any degree I put the energy into getting, that he thought I should go for whatever one at whatever school I want despite the debt it might put me in. I'll think about that, but grad school is sounding good to me. I miss school a lot even though I'd be uncertain what exactly to study.
However that also got me to thinking. I would have to start planning now for the semester starting in September. That feels so far in advance to me and I realized that I've never thought that far in advance. And that to think that far in advance always made me feel kind of trapped, and I like the feeling that I can just up and go and change at any moment even if I probably won't. It's the wanderlust in me. And it worried me. It worries me. For my relationship. Because now, it doesn't only affect me if I want to move for a job or just to move, but I feel like it will happen that I'll hit a point where I'll want, perhaps need something new. It really is a part of who I am and I'm finally noting and acknowledging it. College came just in time after high school, Germany was the perfect change, and then I came home and needed to move again even though I love Murfreesboro and MTSU, and here I am. If I hadn't felt finished exploring around here at the end of my time at Wizard I would've been gone right then.
So I brought this up to Jairo. He said he knew this might eventually be an issue. I was like "you did? What do you mean?" He said something so flattering that I wish I remember the wording, about how I was interested in so much and able to do so much that I'd probably keep moving forward. And said he didn't know, but that we'd figure it out when it happened. And I love him for that. For knowing this about me and being ok with it, for being honest enough not to make up some answer.
By Thursday (12/30/04) I had another 3 day weekend to look forward to on behalf of New Year's. I had Jairo's car and he had mine because he was taking mine to a mechanic he knew since he had the day off. And I got out of work early because it was so incredibly slow at work. So I drove his car to his house where mine was waiting.
The mechanics can't find the leak that my landlord is complaining about, so I'm done worrying about if their stupid driveway gets a little stained. But now I have windshield wiper fluid (because they patched a hole), a new thermostat, and new fluids. The constant "check engine soon" light is apparently a wiring glitch but no actual problem and there is no problem they can find that caused the smoke coming from my heater. And my tires are going to be worn out in about 3 months they said.
My weekends belong to Jairo. He calls it "kidnapping" me, but the term really isn't accurate. Because to be kidnapped you have to not want to go. And I'd much rather spend my time with him than doing just about anything else. It's also convenient because neither of us has to worry about the other crossing the bridge late at night.
New Year's Eve was uneventful. It seems to be an important day to his family, perhaps their culture, but I'm not completely certain. Because of my limited communication with his mother all I got was that new year's is an important day for them because of the ending and beginning, and since Jairo doesn't pick things apart like I do, he just noted that since it always seemed important to his mom he's always stayed home.
So we were there. And we had a really nice dinner, and at midnight me and Jairo and his mom, Ana, and Marcello watched the ball drop with a dollar gripped in our right hands (apparently this is a superstition/tradition, hold money in your right hand as the year changes to promote wealth in the new year, but it has to be your right hand - I almost got that wrong) and toasted with champagne (mine with added orange juice - which i still didn't much like *shrug*).
Saturday (1/1/05) we drove to the city with Jairo's other closest friend, Brandon and his girlfriend Grace. Brandon's of Thai decent (although I'm uncertain if he was born there or if his parents moved here before he was born) and Grace is from the Phillipines and moved here as a teen. We headed to Chinatown and it's completely different when you're there with someone that can explain some of the different things to you, even though they couldn't explain all of it.
Brandon caters to Grace. We got food because she wanted to and then dropped her off to get her facial (the reason for the initial trip no doubt). while she was there we wandered around and he and Jairo shopped for video games and such, but after we picked her up we headed straight to her favorite clothing store. Not to say this is bad, not to say she wasn't nice, she's sweet, just shy, but it is interesting.
We stopped at a Chinese bakery and had sesame balls because Jairo likes them. I do not. Not so much for taste as texture though, they're gooey on the inside, like not fully cooked dough.
Chinatown is a great place for produce and fish. I bought a pound of cherries and a pomegranite (because I haven't had one since childhood). Grace and Brandon both bought fish and vegetables for their parents.
We stopped in a candy store with all sorts of (probably Japanese) candy as well as numerous dried fruits, and dried fish (which didn't strike me as a dessert item, but cultural differences...)
When it got dark we headed toward home and a movie. We ended up seeing "Darkness" and all I can say is DON'T. Just don't see it.
Yesterday (Sunday 1/2/05) I actually got restless for my own space. Not because I didn't want Jairo's company, but more because it's harder for me to get some things done in other people's space. and that cathces me up
Today (1/03/05):
Today we are all just here at work waiting. Every one of us in my department have hours of nothing to do and boredom lingers on everyone's face.
I am reading "Life of Pi" by Yann Martel. It is very interesting so far. I have just gotten to the part where a teenage Pi finds himself believeing in Hinduism, Islam, and Christianity (and going to each religions church/temple/ceremonies) while everyone tells him this is impossible.
The weather today is mild and calm. My mind is on the new year. What will it bring? Will I accomplish what I want? We shall see.
