Wednesday, Jan. 05, 2005 - 2:47 p.m.
Last night, even though I was in sit at home and write and finish this list of 3 things to do mode, I left my house at 10:30 to go hang out with my friend Liz (and her friend Christie and some other people).
I didn't stay long, but it was good. I forget sometimes that it is good for me to occasionaly hang out with girls. Plus, I honestly haven't seen her in person for months. It's odd how that happens, but it does.
Unlike me, she's single and dating. Or rather, trying to date, maybe wishing to date more, something. It seems like everyone is always disillusioned with the dating process when they're in it.
(Actually, this reminds me of a diatribe I wanted to go on, so that slight rant will follow.)
Anyway, Liz has taken to comparing men to meals. So, she's meeting a guy today that apparently has dated tons of people in the area. She referred to him as the trough. And she said that usually her choices seem to be either "the meal someone else is eating" (someone with a girlfriend), the "happy meal" (the too young guy), or "the leftovers" (speaks for itself). And she was describing this all with a straight face as me and the other girls were laughing uncontrollably.
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And now, a word about looking for love.
It seems like every time I turn around I'm hearing those commercials for dating services and worse, the people that call in to radio shows (this is what prompted this thought today) saying how they're good looking and have a great personality and why can't they find true love? and so on.
First, it seems that this lament is more often coming from women than men. so I guess that most of this is probably aimed at women.
Here's my issue: when you start asking everyone in sight "why can't I find love?" you've pretty much answered your own damn question. It's because you make yourself seem like a desperate, needy person. As soon as I hear anyone start saying how they're good looking and fun, nice and smart, I think "no you're not. You wouldn't have to explain it to people if you were."
I know that sounds mean, but it's true.
What is this desperate search. Why do people feel so desperate to find someone else to complete them.
Plus, as soon as someone says "they're looking for true love," that translates to "I'll convince myself that I love the first decent person to show interest back." to me because they're looking too hard. There is an idea, or an ideal, in their mind, and they want that no matter what. Or, in the case of matchmaking things (like websites) two people meet who are both wanting to "settle down" and that desire for stability is almost as much a part of their attraction as the person him/herself.
The truth is, the reason that you're not finding love is because you're looking. There are two reasons for this.
One is self esteem. Usually these people carry a "what's wrong with me, aren't I good enough" aura, floating around them in a thick haze. This does not attract people.
The second is that love doesn't really work that way. It's not like a kid playing hide and seek and you just have to look in the right place. It is something that finds you, or that you stumble across along the path of life.
Dating is good. I'm not saying that you shouldn't date. But there is a difference between being open to love and *searching* for it.
Love is the kind of thing that seems to become harder and harder to see the more you squint at the horizon trying to find it. Instead it slips up beside you one day when you have your eyes open because you're cool with yourself and you're looking around for the hell of seeing the world.
Of course, this is just my opinion, but it's also my personal experience.
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