Wednesday, Feb. 23, 2005 - 12:24 a.m.
I wrote my last entry from the library at Jairo's campus because he said that his 3 and 1/2 hour class would seem shorter if I was there afterward and for his breaks. And since he had to take me home anyway (either before or after class) I went ahead and hung out.
I got a call the other day (yesterday in fact) from E that was very very sweet.
She called me just to send me a message of hope. Just to say hold in there about my jobhunt. And it couldn't come at a better time. It's been a long time since I've done anything in my field. And I have to admit my confidence is starting to wane a lot. And I just want to feel like I've found what I'm good at, what I'm meant to do, like I did when I started journalism (and hell even comic stuff even though that market feels like a choking dead end to me now). And part of me is questioning if journalism is where that is anymore. So, while I push all that crap back a lot and I'm trying to overcome the apathy and procrastination that comes with rejection and just not getting anywhere (you know, that lame but human "why bother" instinct that kicks in), it still really really helps sometimes just to hear something like that from someone. "Don't worry, it'll happen." It means so much.
So today I hung out with Jason. Because I miss him and because he seems to need it. He seems to need to know that his friends want his company right now, and therefore, I'm going to do my best to show that.
We grocery shopped and cooked what we have deamed "nacho bake" (a fairly simple nacho ingredient caserole-ish type thing) and watched "scrubs." Simple and fun.
I'm still attempting to learn Spanish. It's going slowly and I know that part of the reason for that is that I'm attempting to teach myself.
It's frustrating because I want it all *now*! And I feel like the program I'm using isn't teaching me any of the useful words....but we'll see.
In the meantime, I'm picking up bits from trying to listen when I'm visiting at Jairo's. And the other day I think I got the impression that he actually likes the idea of me learning Spanish. His mom came in and said something and he responded. So I asked if she'd asked if we were going to be around to eat and if he'd responded that he had class at 6. And he said yeah and he looked at me with this smile that I can only think to describe as akin to a look of pride and said something about how I'm really picking it up. I explained to him that I picked up like 3 words and inferred the rest. But it was the first time I felt like he actually wanted me to learn rather than just being ok either way (of course, generally he keeps pretty neutral in an almost frustrating way anyway).
Anwyway, doing this program, as much as the slow pace of my brain is frustrating me, is helping my mood a lot. I realized that I feel good when I'm learning something. Something about reasoning things out and/or adding completely new information to my stockpile is important to me and adds to my happiness.
