Friday, Apr. 08, 2005 - 1:19 a.m.
I'm so frustrated with my life right now (as in right this second, i'm sure by tomorrow i'll feel fine again). I feel the need to have something change and the great inability to change it.
I want to move. I want to feel like an adult and have a place instead of renting a room. I want to be able to have a kitchen and have people stay over. But I can't afford most of the places for single people, and I don't know any one that will look for a place with me. And then, I think I've found someplace that I can probably afford if I scrimp a little, but there's the first and last months rent plus security deposit, and I just don't have *that* much money.
This is my biggest problem with the area I live in. While I know lots of people my own age that still live at home or have moved back or something, to me, that's a sign of not being an adult yet. When you're an adult you have your own place. And I'm still not feeling like I have a place.
I want to go back to school. I feel this desire very strongly even though I'm not sure what I want to study. That feels kind of backward. Especially since I also have no idea what school I'd want to go to. But I have no idea how to figure out what I want to study.
It's weird. I like temping but I'm frustrated by it. It makes it hard to try to plan ahead, or estimate my income. And I want a job that I want.
I'm trying to get myself going. I'm trying to freelance, and I've got ideas. Stockpiles. But no idea how to get started, or where to shop them to, or time quite often to do them right.
I feel like if I could just a ball rolling, get a jump start then everything would be in motion. But I can't seem to get that initial shove.
